Mac now noticed that various people were making toasts. But she wasn't listening; she just smiled when it seemed right. Her mind-and her heart-was definitely not there. And somehow she knew that Harm's wasn't either. She was thinking about the kiss. There was definitely no doubt about who he had been kissing that time. The conversation they'd had had not turned out like she had hoped. There were feelings between them-big feelings. And love, at least on her part. Again she had laid her heart out for Harm to take. But he had backed away. The same as on the ferry in Sydney. Before that night she had held out hope that there was a chance for them. But that one little stupid conversation had ruined all her hope. Tonight had given her new hope. But why did it have to happen at her engagement party of all places?
"Sarah?" Mac was brought out of her thoughts by Mic's voice.
She turned to look at him, noticing that Harm had moved back and that his hand was no longer touching hers. But she could still feel it.
"It's time to cut the cake!" Mic announced.
All through the cutting and eating of the cake and the opening of the presents, Mac tried to stay focused on Mic and the party. But she found it to be a very hard thing to do. Her eyes kept searching for Harm-and finding him.
Most of the time, Mac didn't think that Harm noticed her looking at him. He was occupied with Renee. Although, she did have to admit, he didn't look very happy. But maybe it was just wishful thinking. But one time, while she and Mic were dancing, she looked over his shoulder and saw Harm dancing with Renee. He looked over at her and their eyes met. They held each other's gaze for the rest of the song.
After it was over Mic said, "Sarah, can I talk to you privately?"
"Of course, Mic."
* * * *
Harm watched as Mic led Mac into the Admiral's kitchen. What were they doing in there?
"Harm, it's none of your business what their doing," Renee said, as if she could read his thoughts. "What? I wasn't-"
"Yes, you were and you've been doing it all night." After a pause Renee continued, "I can see that over the next two weeks it's going to be my job to keep you away from Sarah Mackenzie. At least until she's married."
"What?" Harm asked.
Renee sighed. Harm wasn't even paying attention to her.
"Can we leave now?" Harm asked.
"Uh, yeah, sure. But don't you want to stay?"
"No."
"You don't want to say goodbye to Mac?"
"No."
* * * *
"What did you want to talk to me about, Mic?" Mac asked.
"I don't know if I should start this conversation, but I gotta know. I have a right to know."
"What is it?" Mac repeated.
"What were you and Harm talking about out on the porch?"
'Oh, no,' Mac thought, 'He suspects something.' "Nothing...We were just talking about a case that we are working on. Were opposing council and it was important that we talked."
"And you talked about work that whole time?" Mic asked her.
"Well no...We haven't talked for a while and we took this private time to catch up..." Mac lied.
"About what?" Mic questioned.
"About...About..." Mac suddenly stopped. She had conflicting feelings about everything that had happened tonight. She didn't know how to lie about this one so she just shouted, "It's none of your business! It-"
Mic interrupted her. "None of my business! Oh, Sarah, it is my business. We are about to get married and your having a private conversation with another man and you can't even tell me about it! I think there might be more problems between us then what flowers your going to walk down the aisle with...If you don't tell me what you and Harm were doing out there-" But Mic never finished.
Mac was now crying. She couldn't lie to this good man that she had agreed to marry. It wasn't fair to him. But how could she possibly begin to tell him what had happened between her and Harm? She couldn't really even explain it to herself. And maybe Harm didn't want anyone to know.
Mac wiped the tears away from her eyes and went into the living room. She had to find Harm and settle things between them once and for all. A quick glance around the room proved that Harm wasn't there. Had he left?
"Bud?!" Mac asked walking towards him.
"Yes, Ma'am?" Bud asked. He could tell that there was something wrong. Had she been crying?
"Bud, where's Harm?"
"Well, he left, Ma'am."
"What?! No."
"Is everything okay, Ma'am? Have you been crying about something?"
"No...I'm fine...I just needed to speak with Commander Rabb."
"Well, Ma'am, I can page him for you..." Bud offered, "If he knew how upset you were, he would certainly come back to the party..."
"No!" Mac answered quickly. If Harm had left then that meant that he didn't want to say goodbye. Maybe it was because he didn't want to talk to her again. Maybe he regretted everything that had happened tonight. No matter the reason she didn't want him to be forced into a conversation he didn't want to have.
"Are you sure, Colonel?"
"I'm sure, Bud."
0200 ZULU
MAC'S APARTMENT
GEORGETOWN
Mac was tired when she locked her Corvette and walked up the sidewalk towards the front door of her apartment. At the party Mic had come around and apologized. He told her that in no longer mattered what had happened between she and Harm. But Mac still felt guilty. She had told Mic that she was going to have to do some serious thinking this weekend about whether she could still go through with the wedding. She was planning on talking to Harm tomorrow and then give Mic her final answer on Monday. She-
Mac stopped at her door when she saw a note taped to it. She pulled if off and began reading it. It said:
Mac,
I don't know what you expected to happen tonight. I can't tell you what tonight meant to me-good or bad. I think the conversation was good for us. We started it in Sydney and we continued it tonight. But this was an inapportiate time to talk about these things. Is that why you backed away? My feelings for you are complicated-I can't even explain them to myself. I don't expect you to understand. And as far as what your feelings are for me, I don't want to know. Mac, just promise me that Mic makes you happy that you love him. I want you to be happy. I will be happy for you and stop hating Mic if that's what you want.
Semper Fi, Mac.
Always,
Harm
P.S. I'm sorry that I couldn't tell you this in person.
THE END